For the majority of my life I was a fluid being. There was no such thing as a favourite colour, animal, band, or song. I had no preferences. I watched as people made choices into what interested them, and understood each time how that subject could grab their attention. I observed the way people acted, and how their actions made others perceive them. Girls and boys became known as the funny one, the crazy one, the bad ass, the flake, the loser. And I somehow always managed to stay under the radar... a drifter. I could be anyone's friend. I had no preferences.
As we grew older I noticed that along with personality our fashion choices became important to evolve. You could choose to be any way you wanted, you could look any part. Now there were the glamorous, the edgy, the sporty, the sexy ones. I dressed to disappear. The plainest girl you've ever seen. You'd never look at her twice. And still I watched as people discovered amd grew into themselves.
That has been the story of my life.
Open to any and all choices.
My identity never formed at pace with everyone else. I cannot properly explain to you what it feels like to not have an identity. To be open space, a blank canvas, an empty journal.
I could be anyone you needed in a single moment.
Liquid glass, you could cool me to form as you please. And once you leave, I'm fluid again.
It was maddening.
For the passed 2 years I have been making a concerted effort to form myself.
this weird anomaly of self
that I am. Amorphous.
What is there to discover, when the possiblities are infinite.
Where does one begin?
My preferences are vague.
Swirling black and grey mist.
In the depth of darkness, with slivers of light and thick grey fog.I am in the deep.
All of what I have become still does not express this soul.
I w i s h y o u k n e w t h e f e e l i n g . . .
|Placebo | Where is my mind|